Revision and Redrafting

I took a piece of free-writing from part 2 and used it for the exercise in Part 6 of WFC course. Please, could you read and then offer comments as suggested at the end of the attached pdf file? All feedback gratefully received. I hope that some of what I have done will be useful to others on the course.I attached as pdf  because  copying and pasting a word document did not work as it deleted all indentations and highlights.

Thank you in advance



.Editing exercises from part Six